Use NVC
Questions
If this was the first time this had ever happened, would you be reacting this way?
What would i have to do to make things worse? (Or, To feel worse?)
What if the opposite was true? What if I focused on a different side of this situation?
Instead of asking how to do something, ask how to not do it.
Envision the negative things that could happen in life. … what it would be like to lose their job and become homeless or to suffer an injury and become paralyzed or to have their reputation ruined and lose their status in society
What do I want VS what do I want to avoid?
What am I thinking is right, or wrong? What needs are underneath that?
What do you love?
What has worked before in this situation, even a little bit? (solution focused)
When does this NOT happen?
On 1-10 scale, where are you emotionally? What would move you one point up?
How will you get through the rest of today? And, if that’s not helpful – can you accept this single moment, exactly as it is?
Who can help me process this?
What action can I take?
Shadow work
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Describe situation from 3rd person perspective
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Talk to it (this person or quality), then switch and talk from their perspective.
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own it – an “I statement” … I am aggressive/lazy whatever … I have that within me, as well
Other tips
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When complaining about someone, add phrase “just like me”, eg “Wow, they’re so annoying! Just like me!” 🙂
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“Expand your identity to include all opposites” … once you’ve embraced it, then you can choose between them – not have them spill out in sneaky ways
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My Self is big enough to hold ALL of these things – the anger AND the acceptance.
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Awarenesses – what I’ve learned now
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Dialogue with Love
What am I telling myself ABOUT it?
References
